I’ve been thinking a lot about change lately. There’s a lot of change I want to bring into my life.
I know so many other people who want to make changes in their life but can’t. I know people who are afraid of change and avoid it at all costs.
But why not just embrace change? I’ve realized that change is inevitable and something we can’t always control. Sometimes I’m sitting in my room thinking about the day my parents get too old to visit me or if me and K ever get sickly and one of us have to stay home full-time. I think about our retirement and whether we’ll have enough. I think about my daughter and that in 13 years she’ll be off to college.
Some of these are good changes and some of them are bad, but the reality is that some or ALL of these changes will happen at some point.
Right now I’m not so happy with how things are going. I have enough money now but not enough TIME. I’m always clawing for more time, with my husband, my daughter, our family, and for myself. I’m working or doing chores at home. Working a 40hr week plus commuting 12-15 hours a week plus a child plus a husband is a LOT. I’m trying to move away from that and maybe use this blog as an outlet to make that happen.
I’m ready to make a CHANGE.
I could be unhappy and take it out on the people around me. Kind of play the blame game. So many people do that when they feel helpless in their situation but that’s not the type of change you really want to make in your life. See, blaming others for changes that are or aren’t happening in your life makes you lose your sense of responsibility over yourself. It puts you in the hands of someone else to fix your problems. Almost all problems can be fixed by taking ownership of your problems, making a long-term plan to fix the problem, and then following through with action.
“If you always do what you did, you’ll always get what you’ve got.”
I heard this quote somewhere and it struck a cord with me.
Sometimes you have to do something different to get the result you want.
I have a handful of friend that are still doing to same things they used to do in their early 20s but are bemoaning that they can’t find a good guy. I’m sorry, if you sleep with a guy on the 1st or 2nd date and that hasn’t really worked for you in 5 years, shouldn’t it be time to, I don’t know, change things up? Maybe you can go with a different persona than fun, carefree and sexy girl, since that’s not getting the strong, serious and responsible guy you’re looking for.
Or the friend that complains that they don’t have the career they deserve yet, and no opportunities. Meanwhile, they spent their younger years high as hell, partying and having fun.
We all reap what we sow. We shouldn’t rely on chance or luck to get us what we want in life. The life we want can only come through conscious change.
My sister S loves to live in the past. She’s all about growth and finding herself so she looks to the past to understand herself and see what could be in her future. She said her biggest issues stem from her childhood, she doesn’t feel she got the right support from our parents.
I was like, “how does that help you change your life, by knowing that?”
She replied, it helps her to make good choices now and when she acts out, she can understand where it’s coming from.
I don’t know…it didn’t seem like she could really make a change in her life with that way of thinking. Yes, she understood what was holding her back but she wasn’t able to move past it.
Looking at the past is only half the story. You also have to look to the future too to make real change in your life.
People hate thinking about the future, it gives them so many bad thoughts about failure, shortcomings, mortality. But the future is HOPE, a part of your life that has not been written. It’s a part of your life that you can still alter and make right. So to make a real change in your life you need to look at the future too.
You need to envision the future you want and then stitch together how that’s going to happen.
Example: P wants to be able to move out of her parents house, they don’t have money to assist her, and she doesn’t have enough savings yet to make the move. P does have a job, summer is around the corner and she’s about to get more hours at the restaurant she waits at. P wants to move closer to the city so she can start a new career in fashion and meet the love of her life.
Scenario 1) P spends her whole summer hanging out with friends, going to the beach and enjoying herself. She could have picked up a few more shifts but decided she’d rather just take it easy this summer and have fun. She’s been talking to her parents about helping her move but together they still don’t have enough to make it happen.
Scenario 2) P sits down and thinks it over. She thinks about what she needs to do to make what she wants to happen. First she’ll need money. She’ll need to go out less and maybe take on a few extra shifts at work. She also needs to find a roommate. Sharing housing costs will make it easier to financially afford the move.. She thinks about all her friends who would need a roommate. So she puts up a post on FB and finds an old friend that lives in the area that she wants to live in. There’s going to be a spare room opening up in 2 months. The deadline is tight but this gives P a goal. After 2 months of grinding and saving, she’s able to put 95% of what she needs away. Her parents, seeing her work so hard to meet her goal, decide to help her make the 5% difference so she can move.
Planning ahead and putting together steps to make positive change takes discipline. And there will always be that voice in your head that says, “What if I can’t do this?” A small seed of doubt. My advice is to trust your gut on what steps you’ll need in your future. You’ll never be able to predict the outcome of your choices or the changes you’ll make, but an educated guess is better than no change or action at all.
There are people who wait in life for luck to happen to them and there are those who take a stab in the dark, make things happen, and make their own luck. It’s through change we’re able to do that. Which person are you?
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